Finding your identity as a young mom.

Chloe was born on Oct. 2, 2012. The best day of my life. I never knew my heart could love someone so much. <3 I had waited and waited for her to come and she was HERE! I could finally hold her in my arms and just stare into her beautiful big blue eyes. 

I got pregnant with Chloe when I was 19. I was in beauty school and living in St. Cloud MN by MYSELF. I was terrified, shocked, nervous, and any other emotion that you can come up with. How was I going to have a baby when I am in school right now? Neil and I had our lives mapped out of what we wanted it to look like. We didn't know where we wanted to be living after school or anything. And here I we were having a baby. That takes life to a whole new playing field. No more fun and games.. its all business from here. 

Everything worked out good for us. Neil got a good job back in our home town. So we moved home and rented an apartment. We were doing good for being such young parents! And I am 100% blessed and grateful that it went as smooth as it did because going in there were A LOT of what ifs and questions that had no answer. Where were going to live, work, etc..

Becoming a mom at such a young age definitely changed me for the BETTER. It made me a stronger person. I had to grow up FAST.. something that I had never planned for myself. I went from being a college student who was SUPPOSED to be out partying to staying home with a newborn baby while my boyfriend worked on the road during the week. I was home alone for 4 days straight. 

Although becoming a mom has without a doubt made me a better person and I absolutely LOVE being a mom. I think its the best job in the world and I wouldn't trade it for anything.. but I'm not going to deny that it was difficult because we were not prepared. There was a period where I felt like I was just lost.. like who AM I?? I am a mom.. but what besides that? Because all I do is stay at home and wait on other people. I don't have hobbies. I work VERY part time. My friends are still going to school.. if they are finished with school they don't have the responsibilities that I do. They are still living life day to day without a care in the world.. and here I am worrying about medical bills and what I was going to make for dinner tomorrow night. 

For a while there I was REALLY struggling to figure out who I was. What is my purpose BESIDES being a mom? Not even a purpose but just trying to figure out WHO I really was. When you have a child at such a young age I think it is hard because we still haven't figured out who we are as a person.. and now you are trying to raise a child. Trying to fit in with the "moms group" yet still trying to keep in contact with your friends who are doing their own thing still. Its like a tuggawar sometimes. Trying to find that happy balance. And that is in all aspects of life.. whether you are a young mom or not. 

I tried doing daycare and that was SO not my thing.. I couldn't handle that at all. Then I REALLY started to feel lost. I felt like that was the last and final straw. I threw my hands up and said thats it!!! I am giving up.. nothing is right for me. I don't feel like I have a purpose in this life. I wanted to know who I was! Thank goodness this opportunity came across at the perfect time in my life. And someday I will take the stage and thank my coach Kelsey for signing me up.. and of course all the other girls who are here with me now because THIS is what I was meant to do. When I was offered this opportunity I just had that GUT feeling. You know what I mean? Like I just HAVE to do this… I don't know what I am doing. I know no details. But I just have to do it.. I could feel it!! 

You young moms out there.. excuse me. ALL you moms out there, THAT is what you need to try to find. And you will find it! Find something that separates you and makes you special! What makes you unique?! How can you change the lives of others and stand out from the rest of the crowd? Let me tell you.. I was in a DARK place about 6 months ago. I look back at my twitter and see the things I was tweeting.. I was depressed. But I finally found it! I found myself. I know who I am!!!! Can you believe that? I KNOW WHO I AM! It feels SO good to be able to say that. 

Of course our babies are our #1 priorities and our LIVES! I love Chloe to the end of the world and am so so grateful that she is in my life. But we also need to have something that is just ours! A way to identify yourself. After all.. if mommas happy everyone is happy ;)

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